I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
