He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
