Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
only if we run a train.
done.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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