Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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