I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
