Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
