so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
