There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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