New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
