watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
