No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
