what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
