I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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