He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
