Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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