Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
