I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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