She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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