I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
