Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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