nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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