AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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