Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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