he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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