the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
