Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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