you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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