She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize