running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
