How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
