I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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