Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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