My vagina just recognized that song.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
