he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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