My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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