I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
