I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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