The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
