He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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