My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
