I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
