he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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