Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
