I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize