Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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