She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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