it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
