Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
