oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
