I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
