So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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