Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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