apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
