There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
