I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
