I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
