I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
