Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
