Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
