Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
