if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
