if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
