Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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