hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
