the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
