i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
