I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
