i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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