So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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