i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
