i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
