i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize