I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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