Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And then he peed in my hair
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