So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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