I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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