This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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