Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
