Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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