Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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