well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
