i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
