I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
