You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to fling myself into the sun
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
