the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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