Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
