I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
