I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
