I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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