Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
