So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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