He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize