It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
