FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
