At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
