I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
