I hate your face
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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