Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
