You're my little dorito
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
