Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
