there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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