Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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