Moan for me like Helen Keller
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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