i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
