my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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