i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
