my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize