No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
