That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
