come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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