wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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