I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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