Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want to be your penis for a week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
