Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
