I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
