2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
